


sometimes living's too hard

by caratsticks



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/F, Female SEVENTEEN, Gender Identity, Light Angst, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexuality Crisis, non-binary jihoon, nothing serious tho, oh yea drug use, slight homophobia/transphobia, slight racism, theyre dumb and destructive and hate everything, theyre in an english boarding school, this might not be your cup of tea if you dont like fem!svt, this will fun i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-11-19 10:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11311941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caratsticks/pseuds/caratsticks
Summary: Mingyu thinks her new roommate is the most attractive person she's ever seen. Soonyoung wants to punch people. And Minghao meets new friends and is stuck somewhere completely new.





	1. we got this crazy chemistry

Loud banging echoes throughout the room, and Mingyu, because of her lack of coordination and the fact that she has the grace of a fucking potato sack, falls over her chair and hits her head against the carpeted floor. She sighs, and picks herself up, dusting off her red leavers jumper that’s slowly becoming too small for her.

“Coming, calm your shit!” She yells, hoping that whoever is on the other side of the door isn’t too difficult to deal with. However, with the incessant loud knocking that is starting to ring in Mingyu’s ears, that might not be the case.

Fortunately for her, instead of it being the housemistress like Mingyu had originally feared, it’s a girl she’s never seen before. The other girl is shorter than Mingyu and has flaming red hair that’s pulled into a high ponytail, showcasing her earrings. A sandy brown jacket is tied around the girls’ waist, even though it’s cold out and Mingyu doubts the stranger’s skinny arms keep her any warm. However, she looks perfectly content wearing a white short-sleeved t-shirt and some black ripped jeans. A pair of sunglasses perched on top of her head to complete the look.

The new girl is _cute_ , Mingyu realizes. She kind of wants to stare at her for forever, and kiss her, but if this is her new roommate she would like to give a nice first impression and maybe not freak her out.

So, she clears her throat and says, “Hey, you’re my new roommate right? Come on in.” She flashes her best smile and opens the door slightly wider to allow the other girl to come in with her suitcases. She watches the girl give her a small smile and a nod before stepping into the room and looking around.

“I’m Kim Mingyu, by the way.” Mingyu sticks her hand out awkwardly, immediately she winces, because _yikes_.

Thankfully, the girl doesn’t notice Mingyu’s obvious lack of human skills, and shakes hands with her. “Xu Minghao.” She answers with cute accented English, _oh god Mingyu is fucked_ , shooting Mingyu the cutest fucking smile in the world.

“I hope you don’t mind that I took the other bed.”

“It’s fine, I’m not really picky anyway.” Minghao hums, before preceding to roll her suitcase next to her bed. She sits down next to it and just. Stares. At it.

Mingyu tries to stifle her laugh, because she’s a little concerned. She manages to choke out, “Are you okay?” in between muffled snorts of laughter.

“I-I’m fine, just a little overwhelmed I guess, I’ve never really lived away from my parents. The realization that I’m actually here is hitting a bit hard.” Minghao’s voice cracks a little in the middle of the sentence. And Mingyu panics, because she’s so bad at comforting people and Minghao seems like a great person, she doesn’t want to make things awkward between them in the first ten minutes they’ve met.

But she tries anyways, “Hey, it’s alright, I felt like this the first like two weeks I was here, but you’ll be more swamped with the sheer amount of things that are thrown at you.” Striding across the room towards Minghao and sitting down across from her, “You don’t really have time to feel homesick. Uh, that doesn’t sound great, but it’s true.” Hoping that the smile she aims at Minghao is reassuring.

Fortunately, Minghao cracks a smile and sniffles, wiping her eyes and ridding of the tears that she almost shed. “It’s great to know that I’ll sooner or later be drowned by new information and rules that I don’t care about.”

Mingyu does laugh at that, loud and boisterous, she doesn’t even care if it might make Minghao’s impression of her any less than she’d hope. Because she can already tell that Minghao isn’t that type of person, and she’s glad that she’s the first person Mingyu talks to on the first day back.

They spend the next hour just sorting all of Minghaos’ clothes, Mingyu admiring all the different pieces that Minghao had brought. Promising each other that they can wear each other’s clothes with no hesitation. Somehow in the midst of everything, they brought in Mingyu’s wardrobe and begin to call dibs on whatever they like. Mingyu notices that whenever Minghao sees something she likes, she makes cute noises and gestures and Mingyu is so fucking fond and she’s only met this girl for no less than two hours. There’s a warm autumn breeze coming from the window, a bit of sunshine pouring in between the curtain, and Mingyu just feels so warm. Happy and content with life and the new friend that she just made. Hoping and wishing that soon she can call Minghao her best friend, and maybe, just maybe, something more.

 

“Gyu! Holy shit I haven’t seen you in forever!” Seungcheol yells, her big eyes shining with excitement. Pulling Mingyu in for a bone-crushing hug which Mingyu gladly returns, before Mingyu pulls back and pouts, whining at her.

“That’s because you went back to Korea for the last three weeks of summer, who does that? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? And because your lucky ass went back you didn’t come back until like 9 last night.” She shoots question after question at Seungcheol, hoping to make the older girl at least a little bit guilty.

“Don’t be salty.”

Before Mingyu can even open her mouth and retaliate, Jeonghan appears, _out of goddamn nowhere, what the fresh hell_. She leans on Seungcheol’s shoulder, the action is familiar, almost intimate and Mingyu feels like she’s looking at something private.

Jeonghan’s dressed in a loose t-shirt, some grey sweatpants and her prescription glasses. Her pretty hair is tied up in a loose bun, shorter hairs falling out in the back. Seungcheol’s cheeks are tinted a pretty pink at the sight of her. And Mingyu smirks at her, she can only shoot a weak glare.

“Stop yelling at each other like children, I can hear you all the way from the third floor.” A yawn escapes her lips, “I was taking a nap, I’m fucking exhausted.” Jeonghan groans, looking slightly pissed at the two of them.

“I wouldn’t be yelling if-”Suddenly, the front door slams open and Mrs. Mitchell, their housemistress, storms in, Soonyoung trailing behind her, looking equally as pissed as their teacher.

Soonyoung never looks angry, she’s always big smiles and loud laughter. Fun times and excitable ideas. So to see her upset, furious even, makes Mingyu feel unsettled. Makes her feel like something is definitely wrong.

Jeonghan and Seungcheol react similarly, they both look worried, Seungcheol more anxious than Jeonghan. But they all trust Soonyoung not to do anything out of line, so they don’t follow the pair into the main office.

They go into the house common room instead, and soon Junhui barges in, looking disheveled and alarmed, “Shit, where is she?” She asks no one in particular, just wanting a confirmation of some sort, just _something_. Something to assure her that one of her best friends isn’t going to be kicked out of school on the first day back.

“In the office, we don’t know what’s happening, we don’t know what she did either.” Seungcheol answers back, not looking up.

Junhui only sighs and collapses down next to Mingyu, who puts an arm around her shoulder and gives her a quick hug.

 

When Soonyoung emerges from the housemistress’ office, she doesn’t look upset anymore, but she doesn’t look guilty either. She looks tired, exhausted. Mingyu’s heart clenches at the sight of her friend looking so miserable.

“What happened?”

Soonyoung looks away, staring at a small patch of ugly grey carpet before she takes a small breath, “Some asshole was being racist and transphobic towards Jihoon,” the words don’t come out more than a tiny whisper, the bitterness evident in her tone.

It’s quiet for what feels like hours, before Seungcheol starts to demand who this person is, she’s outrageous, absolutely furious, and so is everyone else in the room. They all collectively get up and follow Soonyoung’s directions to where she last saw him.

They don’t see Soonyoung go upstairs instead of tagging along.

 

When Minghao comes back to her room, she comes face to face with Mingyu, slightly bruised and full of cuts, surrounding her are three other girls she’s never seen before.

If she has questions, she doesn’t ask them, instead she drops her backpack and runs to Mingyu, checking for any serious injuries. She’s tight-lipped and her face is blank, Mingyu can’t tell what she’s feeling and it scares her more than she’d expect.

The two fall asleep without uttering a single word to each other.


	2. like two halves of one heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soonhoon centric how nice

Jihoon first met Soonyoung when they were ten years old on a set of swings.

 

“Hey! I’m Soonyoung, I’m new to this neighborhood!” Jihoon jumped at the sound of another voice, she glared at the small girl with chubby cheeks and braids. Jihoon noticed her eyes disappeared whenever she smiled.

 

She never said hi back, but Soonyoung never cared, all she cared about at the time was that she made a new friend.

 

Jihoon never saw her for the rest of the summer and she sometimes wondered if her meeting the excited girl with scraped knees and a glowing smile was just a daydream.

 

But there she was standing at the front of the classroom on the first day of school. Her hair was the first thing Jihoon noticed, no longer in braids, now her medium-length brown hair was tied up into a ponytail. She still had the same bright smile and cute laugh as before.

 

The first thing Jihoon ever said to Soonyoung was, “Your smile is really intense, it kinda hurts my eyes.”

 

A friendship was somehow born out of this one sentence, the type of friendship that didn’t need much confirmation to _know_ it was strong. Their friendship was unpredictable, but it was stable, the two cared for each other, and they didn’t need words.

 

It was a cliché, really, the loud happy one befriending the grumpy quiet one. Anyone who came across the pair would undoubtedly make a comment about it. But they weren’t like that, they were so much more than just the cliché.

 

To other people, it seemed like Jihoon didn’t care much, that Jihoon didn’t actually like Soonyoung. She always found it odd that people saw them that way, why wouldn’t Jihoon care about her best friend, it never truly made sense to her.

 

Soonyoung pretended like she never heard the snide comments, the ‘Oh, their friendship won’t last over a year, I bet it.’ Some girl from their class had whispered to her friends, acted as if Soonyoung was deaf and couldn’t hear them, even though they were far from quiet. It angered her, pissed her off to no end.

 

The same girl returned home that day with a black eye and a bloody nose.

 

Some could say this was when Soonyoung had started to become over-protective of anything related to Jihoon, but if you had asked her about it, she’d say the instinct to protect her best friend had come much later.

 

“Hey Soon, what would happen if we went to two different schools.” They were under a tree when Jihoon had said this, hiding from the other kids running around in the playground, chasing each other, and filling the air with loud screams and laughter.

 

“That won’t happen, but if it did, I’d come see you every day.” Soonyoung had said it with such nonchalance that it had shocked Jihoon, leaving her to stare at her best friend in astonishment.

 

They didn’t, but Jihoon would never forget those exact words Soonyoung had said to her.

 

 

When they were fourteen, Soonyoung had received a text from Jihoon that just said ‘Can you come over’, simple and casual. Nothing big.

 

So when Soonyoung had showed up and saw Jihoon with red cheeks and eyes, tears pouring down her face, she knew something was wrong.

 

She didn’t ask any questions, and Jihoon hadn’t said anything either, they sat in silence for what seemed like hours to Soonyoung.

 

When Jihoon finally said something, it was quiet, soft, like every single fiber was sucked out of her body. She sounded so empty, it was so out of character for Jihoon that it scared Soonyoung, scared her so much that she felt like throwing up.

 

They spent that night together, gentle whispers reassuring Jihoon that everything will be alright, that she’s not alone.

 

That summer Jihoon came out to her as non-binary, explaining that she didn’t really identify as a male or a female, but didn’t really mind using she/her pronouns.  Soonyoung was obviously nothing less than supportive, hugging her best friend tight, softly saying that she’d accept her no matter what.

 

“Did you tell your parents?” They were on some swings, the same set of swings where they first met, it had soon become some place special to the both of them, somewhere where they could talk, cry, do whatever without the pressure of society peering down onto them.

 

“I’m so fucking scared to do so.”

 

“Then let’s do it together.”

 

To say Jihoon’s parents were mad would be an understatement, they were furious, explosive, shouting all types of profanities at the pair, yelling ugly words that would haunt Jihoon forever.

 

“I gave birth to a fucking girl, I don’t care what you think you are, you are a female!” Soonyoung could feel her trembling, she squeezed her hand tight. Hoping that Jihoon could feel it and understand that Soonyoung was there for her.

 

“You know what, I’m sick of you. I’m sick of all your fucking bullshit.”

 

That night they learnt that Jihoon’s parents had signed her up for boarding school, used the excuse that it would provide a better education for her, that they just want the best for her.

 

“The best for me, hah, what bullshit.” Jihoon laughed bitterly, before laying down next to Soonyoung and rested her head of her lap. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.

 

“It’ll be ok, you’ll be ok. I’ll be there right next to you ok? Don’t forget.”

 

“I know.”

 

That summer Jihoon had lost her parents, but it was fine, because she still had Soonyoung.

 

 

“Soon! What the fuck!” Jihoon laughed incredulously, “How did you manage to do that?”

 

The day was slow, the two of them waking up in the afternoon, they hadn’t done much since they woke up, just enjoying each other’s presence, but then Soonyoung had quietly said,

 

“By the way, I’m going to that boarding school you’re going to.”

 

Jihoon sat up immediately, stared at her best friend with wide eyes. Her eyes were filled with so much warmth then. The type of warmth you would get on a winter day, wrapped up in blankets and sipping a hot chocolate while binge watching your favourite Disney films. The type of warmth you get cuddled up against someone you love. Before Soonyoung even had the chance to explain herself, Jihoon had smashed her lips against Soonyoung’s.

 

They separated breathless, and both absolutely _ecstatic._ “I love you so much, what the fuck.” Jihoon breathed, and Soonyoung swore at that moment, Jihoon had stars in her eyes, not only that but Jihoon was the most beautiful person she had ever laid her eyes on.

 

A week later, they got onto a train, one hand each full of bags and suitcases, the other holding each other’s.

 

In their first year they had managed to secure a safe little group of friends, three girls that lived in the same boarding house from the year above- Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Jisoo and a Chinese girl, Junhui, that was Soonyoung’s roommate for the first term. 

It was different, but in a good way. For so long it was just the two of them, but slowly they were meeting new people and making new friends.

“Jihoon, babe, I’m so fucking sorry.” Soonyoung cups both of her cheeks, kissing both of them before planting one of Jihoon’s lips. Jihoon tucks her head under Soonyoung’s chin, and wraps her arms around her waist.

 

“I just don’t get it, it’s 2017, how are people still so close-minded and ignorant.” Jihoon had long stopped crying over comments like the one she had received from some guy in her math class, but she was still bothered by them, she was still a human who had feelings.

 

“I know, the world fucking sucks.”

 

Jihoon has days, days where the dysphoria drained every ounce of energy out of her body, and all she wanted to do was lay in her bed and cry. It’s day like those that make Jihoon even more grateful than ever to have met Soonyoung when they were little, because she knew how to make her feel better. Singing sweet words into her ear, cuddled up next to her. Telling their matron to put her off classes, because there was no way Jihoon could manage.

 

“Y’know, God took time to make you, no, scratch that, you’re a fucking angel.” Jihoon mumbles out underneath all of her blankets, still a little sleepy.

 

Soonyoung chuckles, sitting on the edge of Jihoon’s bed, “Jihoon you’re an atheist.”

 

“I know, that’s why it’s funny.”

 

Walking towards the sink they have in their room, Soonyoung pours out the glass of water that’d been sitting there on Jihoon’s desk for hours and getting her a new one, “Are you saying my entire existence is a joke? I’m offended.”

 

“Uh no, because _my_ entire life is a joke.” Soonyoung playfully rolls her eyes at the comment, slipping into the bed next to Jihoon, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

 

“Love you.”

 

A smile spreads on Jihoon’s face, all cute and loving. It makes Soonyoung want to kiss her silly, and it makes Soonyoung want to be next to her lover all the time.

"Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually dont like this chapter that much, but i feel like soonhoons dynamic and relationship need to be described first. i hope how ive written jihoon is accurate shes basically me with my gender ngl


	3. make little homes out of three-star hotels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wonhui, verkwan and gyuhao all in one wow
> 
> junhui and mingyu are the tall whipped lesbians they are shocking
> 
> uh implied drug use its tagged but just warning

Junhuis’ eyes widen slightly as she stares at the girl in front of her. She’s new, that much is known. In a school like Acadia, you know everyone, it’s not a small school, it’s far from it, but it’s much more like a community, so if you’re new you stick out like a sore thumb.

The girl isn’t from her boarding house, Glareid, or Junhui would’ve already met her, this makes Junhui wonder which house she’s from. The new girl is insanely pretty, the reason why Junhui’s creepily staring at her, with black hair that falls just below her shoulder.

Before Junhui can even think of talking to her, the teacher starts doing the register.

“Jeon Wonwoo?”

Junhui watches as the girl in front of her raises her hand, saying a quick “Present.” Before putting her hand down.

_Wonwoo._

The class goes by in a blur, it being the first class of the year. The teacher taking his time introducing things and topics. Finally, the bell rings, cutting his sentence off. And before he can properly dismiss the class, everyone runs off.

Quickly taking her backpack, Junhui rushes out of class, quickly glancing up to make sure Wonwoo has left. Thankfully she has, Junhui turns the corner to see the aforementioned girl, swiftly catching up to her in long strides.

“Hey!” Taking hold of Wonwoo’s hand before quickly letting go, “Sorry, but I’m Junhui, and uh, you look a little lost?”

Wonwoo snorts, her nose crinkling, “Is that suppose to be a question?” She has an amused smile on her face.

Junhui’s face flushes a deep red, she’s somehow managed to embarrass herself already and she’s exchanged about two sentences with the girl.

“Uh, no?”

Fortunately, Wonwoo doesn’t notice Junhui’s clear embarrassment or if she has she doesn’t comment on it, “I don’t know where my next class is, do you know where- what the fuck is this, um, Repton is?”

This pulls a giggle out of Junhui, it’s always funny to watch new students struggle with the school’s odd names.

“Hey! Stop laughing at me and help!” Wonwoo whines, pulling on Junhui’s blouse sleeve and dragging them off, before realizing that she has no idea where to go.

With a grin on her face, Junhui takes Wonwoo’s hand and brings her to her destination.

They hold hands the entire way there.

 

“I actually wanna cry, Ji you don’t understand she’s so cute.” Junhui stuffs her face into Jihoon’s pillow, her words muffled. Jihoon thinks she even screams a little.

“I very much understand; I have a very cute girlfriend.” Junhui doesn’t think Jihoon is actually paying much attention to her, she doesn’t particularly mind, she just _really_ needs to talk to someone about this. Not much input needed.

“She’s so pretty too, I want to kiss her cheeks and tell her that she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s the gayest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Junhui snorts, “I know, I’m very much gay.” Jihoon smacks her arm, causing her to almost loose balance and fall off her bed, but she manages to regain her balance.

“Where’s Soonyoung anyway?” She looks around for the girl, not noticing she was absent when Junhui first bursted into the couple’s shared room. Which is surprising, because Soonyoung manages to always catch everyone’s attention, wherever she is and whatever she does.

Not even looking up from her phone, Jihoon manages to tell her that Soonyoung is at dance practice. Junhui knows that the two have known each other for ages, knows that the pair depend on each other, but she’s still surprised whenever they manage to pull out little details of each other so casually. She shouldn’t be, but she is.

Maybe she isn’t surprised, maybe she’s jealous of the relationship between her two closest friends.

She’s hit with the thought that she might never get a relationship as amazing as theirs. Maybe she might never even be loved.

“Hey, whatever dumb things you’re thinking, stop.” Jihoon snaps her out of her thoughts, “You’ll find someone eventually, heck Wonwoo might be the one. Don’t put yourself down like that, you’re an amazing person.”

It’s times like this that makes Junhui realize how much Jihoon actually cares, how much effort is put into making sure everything’s okay. It’s easy to hide behind a mask of aloofness, Jihoon has never been good with emotions, always been a little awkward with confronting feelings.

Junhui has a lot of respect for her friend.

 

Seungkwan takes a deep breath as she watches her best friend trip over the mountain of clothes that Hansol, herself, had manage to build over the course of a few days.

“Holy fuck. I think I’ve finally died.” Hansol says from where she is on the floor. Not even bothering to get up.

“Great. Now get up, the new girl rooming with us is suppose to come in during the weekend and we have to clean.” Seungkwan crosses her legs, looking expectantly at Hansol. Raising an eyebrow when she doesn’t get up after a few minutes.

She kicks the girl, earning a squawk from Hansol, “I’m serious Hansol.” She’s learned that dealing with Hansol requires two emotions, annoyance and love. Because even though her best friend comes up with too many dumb ideas, and is a little idiotic sometimes. Seungkwan still loves her, because where is she going to find another best friend.

Finally, Hansol pushes herself up, looking a little dazed, she shakes her head like a dog trying to dry itself. Seungkwan can only roll her eyes.

“Wait. When did this get here.”

Hansol stares at the pile of clothing that she had literally just tripped over, confused and a little bewildered.

Suddenly Seungkwan stands up, making Hansol jump a little, “Fuck! Hansol, we have weed don’t we?” She asks, looking at her best friend with wide eyes, slapping a hand over her face before sliding back down into her seat.

“Hell yeah we do.”

“Did you fucking smoke some already? Hansol it’s Thursday.” Seungkwan asks incredulously.

“Hell yeah I did.”

 

**(New message from _not as great ming_ )**

September 5 2017, 10:50 am

 **not as great ming:** pls come pick me up

 **Original Ming:** k, where are u

 **not as great ming:** drayton??? wtf is this school

 **Original Ming:** u mean enlish

 **not as great ming:** enlish

 **Original Ming:** stfu do u want me to get u or not

 **not as great ming:** yes pls im lonely

“I can’t believe you made me get you when you’re literally five minutes away from house.” Mingyu narrows her eyes at her best friend, clearly exasperated.

Minghao simply grins at her, batting her eyelashes. Knowing that it’d make Mingyu less angry at her.

It works, obviously. Mingyu physically softens at the sight.

Mingyu had always thought she was a strong person, not only was she stubborn, but she always had a clear idea of what she wanted. But that was until meeting Minghao, upon befriending the Chinese girl, Mingyu found herself always giving in to pouty lips and cute smiles. Never really staying mad at the girl. Her heart beating fast whenever she sees Minghao do _anything_ really.

It might be becoming an increasing problem.

So when Minghao shakes her awake in the dead of night, voice small, asking if they could go up to the roof. Hair down and swallowed up by her oversized pajamas.

Mingyu really can’t say no, because when she sees her best friend, even with the minimal light that the moon gives the room, eyes wide with terror, hands slightly shaking, what else is she going to do.

They put on some jackets, because even if it’s warm during the day, it gets chilly during the night. Mingyu holds Minghao’s hand, quietly navigating their way around the boarding house. Making sure not to wake the house mistress.

It’s silent the entire way there, not only to assure they don’t get caught, but also Mingyu knows that Minghao will tell her when she’s ready to. So she doesn’t ask questions as to why they’re going up to the roof.

The roof is slightly colder than Mingyu would’ve expected, but it isn’t uncomfortable. The two sit down against the edge of the roof, enjoying the silence that the night gives.

Minghao buries her head into the crook of Mingyu’s neck, exhaling a shaky breath.

“We can talk about it, I know you’re confused.” Minghao’s voice is quiet, a contrast to the normal snarky confidence she has.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Minghao doesn’t say anything after that, just wraps her arms around Mingyu.

They stay like that until the sun rises, and paints the rooftop orange and yellow. It gives them warmth after hours in the cold.

They sneak back into their rooms, narrowly missing the matron on their way.

Mingyu doesn’t know if Minghao feels much better, she just hopes that whatever it is that’s bothering her will be solved soon.

She can’t stand the tug in her heart whenever she sees the other girl sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow!! i hate the ending!!
> 
> uh when will i be satisfied with my writing probably never


	4. jump starting your car 'cause this city's a bore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look at chan centric
> 
> seems like horrible parents are a running theme

Chan had always thought she lived a pretty normal life, in a small quaint neighborhood. If you googled ‘suburban neighborhood’ the first picture you see wouldn’t be Chan, but it’d be exactly how her house looks. And if you watched any movie with suburbs in it, that’s basically how Chan lived, except less dramatic and less interesting than a movie.

 

So, yeah, she’d say she lives a pretty much average life.

 

Growing up, building relationships with people was always something she struggled with, always loosing friends, always being left out. She had thought for her entire life that it was normal, that it was just part of the process.

 

She didn’t have a great relationship with her parents neither. They were never the nicest to her, but they weren’t abusive or hostile to her either. Often leaving her to deal with her own devices, never caring too much.

 

Her parents were often at work, when they were home, all they did was work. Obviously, they still kept her alive with the basic necessities, but most of the time Chan did everything herself.

 

However, she never doubted they loved her.

 

And she always thought they did, sure, she got jealous whenever her classmates’ parents came and picked them up, kissing their cheeks and giving them hugs. Chan just thought her parents showed affection other ways.

 

As she grew older, she saw less of her parents and the parents of her peers. Everything seemed fine and normal to her.

 

Imagine her shock, when one day in the summer before senior school, she finds an acceptance letter in the mail. An acceptance letter to a boarding school. With her name on it.

 

Chan reads every single word on the letter, twice, double-checking that everything she’s reading is true and she isn’t dreaming. She even pinches herself, yelping when she does.

 

Blinking back tears, Chan stuffs the letter somewhere, she isn’t sure where she mindlessly left it, but she doesn’t want to see it. She feels numb, her feet feel heavy and all she wants to really do is lay in her bed. She can’t though, her room bringing more pain than comfort, in fact her entire house currently makes her feel horrible. The anxiety bubbling inside her makes her want to throw up.

 

She dashes out of the door, hops onto her bike and peddles as quick as her legs can allow her. She doesn’t know where she’s going, doesn’t know how far she’s going. All she wants to get as far away from her home as possible.

 

Her legs hurt, screaming at her to _stop_ , but she _can’t, she can’t, she can’t._ Chan finally does stop, but only because her bike trips over a rock, causing her to fall off the bike. Her eyes widen and a scream escapes from her throat. When she finally stands up, hands scratched and stinging, she inspects for damage. Her knees are scraped, red and raw, and they hurt like _hell_. She winces when she carefully touches them.

There’s nothing she can do except to keep going, so she goes. Blood’s dripping down past her knees, she knows it, but there’s nothing she can do about it.

 

After what feels like hours, she collapses, falling off her bike and landing roughly onto the gravel. Chan squeezes her eyes shut tight, and her final thought before the sleep pulls her in, is that her parents aren’t looking for her.

 

Her parents don’t love her.

 

And somehow, that fact doesn’t surprise her, and shockingly, she isn’t sad about it either.

 

 

From that day onwards, Chan no longer goes outside, instead staying inside, secretly packing all her belongings without her parents finding out. She knows they’re waiting for an opportunity to tell her, jokes on them she already knows.

 

When she hears the door open, keys jingling, heels clicking on wood and hushed chatter. She just _knows_ , she takes her time going down the stairs, hearing her dad yell “Chan! Can you come downstairs?” Isn’t it funny that that’s one of the first thing she’s heard her dad ever say to her in what seems like weeks.

 

It almost makes Chan want to burst out into laughter.

 

Taking the final few steps, Chan is face to face with her mother and her father, looking them head on, she takes a deep breath, almost like a sigh, “I already know and I’m already mostly packed.” Her tone is flat, the look on her face is unimpressed. She just wants to get this over with already.

 

The looks on her parents face almost makes this worth it, _almost._ Their jaws dropped, eyes wide with astonishment, so clearly saying _how did you know_. Her father regains composure first, clearing his throat and face now blank, but the panic underneath the mask is obvious.

 

“Great, this makes everything easier, I’ll go get you train ticket, it’s in the morning.” He says simply, before quickly walking past her. He comes back in a minute with a slip in his hand. Chan takes it wordlessly and goes back upstairs.

 

She no longer feels upset about the whole situation, she’s more upset that she didn’t realize sooner. Instead she’s more than happy to leave her town, her house and her parents. Leaving bad memories of lonely lunch times and quiet households behind.

 

However, when she actually reads her train ticket, the date is about three days after school had started. She furrows her eyebrows, but makes no move to go ask her parents about it. Just puts it in the pocket of her backpack.

 

 

Chan’s currently standing outside her dorm, the one that she got assigned to and she hears someone shouting, _loudly_ too.

 

“Hansol! Shit, just stuff it into the bottom of your bed it doesn’t matter!”

 

Chan stifles a laugh, covering her mouth to prevent the giggles to slip through. She knocks on the door a few times and when she does, the other side turns into complete _silence_. Not even shuffling.

Carefully, she opens the door, peering inside. She sees two girls, one standing one a chair, the other on the girl, hands under her bed. Both are looking at her with wide eyes. She notices that the room is messy, clothes thrown everyone, papers scattered all over the place.

 

“Shit.” The girl on the chair whispers, she moves first, quickly jumping off her chair and scooping up what Chan assumes are her belongings.

 

“I’m so sorry for the state of the room. Please ignore that and us. I’m Seungkwan.” Seungkwan says, biting her lip and looking around. Chan giggles, reassuring the girl that it’s fine. She rolls her suitcase next to the only remaining bed left and starts to unpack.

 

She’s hit with the thought that these girls had wanted to _impress_ her. Her! Lee Chan! She freezes, and the girl that introduced herself as Hansol looks up at her from her place on the floor, a questioning look on her face.

 

Chan smiles at her, hoping that the smile doesn’t look too fake, because she’s sort of freaking out on the inside.

 

“I know we just met, but, um, I kinda need you to answer this.” Hansol suddenly says, looking unsure and playing with her fingers. Seungkwan immediately looks up, staring at her best friend.

 

“Hansol don’t you fucking dare.”

 

Hansol ignores her, rolling her eyes at Seungkwan before looking back at Chan, “So,um, are you ok with weed?” Hansol looks at anywhere but Chan, anticipating her new roommates’ answer.

 

With the way Hansol was acting, Chan had actually thought her new roommate was some serial killer or something. Smoking weed seems tame compared to what Chan’s imagination was conjuring up.

 

“I’m cool with it.” She simply shrugs her shoulders before getting back to folding shirts.

 

“Oh thank god.” Chan can hear both of them heave a sigh of relief and a smile threatens to spread across her face.

 

When Chan finally finishes unpacking and is laying comfortably on her bed, the door suddenly slams open, making her jump. At the door is a girl with long blonde hair, shouting at Hansol to hurry up and get some money, when she notices Chan.

 

“Who is this adorable tiny human.” She’s staring at Chan now.

 

“Jeonghan stop, you’re scaring the poor girl.” Seungkwan whines, pouting at Jeonghan.

 

“Uh, I’m Chan. Lee Chan.”

 

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything for a while, she keeps staring at Chan with an unreadable expression on her face, “I have decided that you are my baby.” Taking Hansol by the arm, she exits, without saying another word.

 

Leaving Chan confused and speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a while to get out and its really short rip!! pls like my fic


	5. sickeningly sweet like honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oOoOoo look at that hot hot make out time 
> 
> i jUSt noticed i havent written wonwoo since chapter three i miss her already

“Cheol, we’re going to get caught.” Jisoo mumbles, before Seungcheol steals a quick kiss from her lips, she hums and trails more kisses down Jisoo’s neck.

Seungcheol has her against the bathroom stall door, they’re suppose to be in class right now, but Seungcheol kept staring at Jisoo, with her pretty lips and long peach hair, eyes that shine like diamonds, she can’t help herself.

Jisoo really has no problem with what they’re doing, all three of them are in their last year of school, causing them to be busier than ever and she feels like she’s barely seen either of her girlfriends. Sue her, she’s a little deprived.

Hands trail up Jisoo’s thighs, tickling her and causing giggles to escape from her. Seungcheol easily lifts her up, earning a squeak from Jisoo, who wraps her legs around the taller girls’ waist.

Seungcheol detaches her lips from Jisoo’s neck, “It’ll be fine, no one’s going to find us, everyone’s in class.” She reassures before capturing her lips again, quickly deepening the kiss. Teeth clashing, and their noses bumping into each other a few times, causing them both to burst out giggling, cheeks rosy from laughing and both slightly embarrassed at their eagerness. They stare at each other, Jisoo’s hair is mussed, so very different from the tidiness it was a few minutes before. It makes something in Seungcheol’s stomach flutter.

They wanted and needed and _finally_ they receive what they desired.

Jisoo tastes like mint and a little bit like the smarties she snacked on before class, her lip gloss smeared, leaving little specks of glitter on Seungcheols’ lips. Even like this Seungcheol thinks Jisoo is incredibly beautiful.

Suddenly, they hear the bathroom door open and footsteps, both of them freeze, staring at each other with wide eyes. They hold their breathes, straining their ears to listen, to make sure they don’t get caught.

They think the other person’s left, and Jisoo’s about to let out a sigh when-

“I know you two are fucking in there.” A voice declares, a voice familiar to the both of them. Seungcheol lets Jisoo down, not even bothered to fix their clothing, she opens the door to see an unimpressed Jeonghan, hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised.

She storms in, head high, making the tiny bathroom stall more cramped than it already was before. Jisoo closes the door behind her before turning around to face her other girlfriend, who’s sitting down crossed-legged on the toilet.

“I’m only a little upset, mostly jealous I wasn’t invited.” Jeonghan says before either of them could even think of what to say.

“It was impromptu, Jisoo did text you and we went to your classroom, but you weren’t there, we’re sorry.” Seungcheol says, barely above a whisper. They really did try to find Jeonghan, but she wasn’t _anywhere_. 

Neither of them wanted Jeonghan to be upset though, that would be the last thing they wanted.

Jeonghan uncrosses her legs, staring up at them, she quickly stands up though and gives the both of them a hug, burying her face in the space between both of their shoulders. “You can make it up to me.”

Jisoo laughs and Seungcheol rolls her eyes at Jeonghan’s suggestion, they can practically _feel_ the smirk she’s wearing.

The three of them practically sprint back to Glareid, laughing loudly on the way.

 

“Nice hickeys.” A voice says behind Jisoo, she jumps, turning her head around so quickly she almost gets whiplash, it’s an exaggeration, but she swears the slight pain in her neck isn’t normal, maybe she’s just old.

Seokmin’s standing behind her, smirking and very obviously staring at red-purple bruises decorating Jisoo’s collarbones, shoulder and neck. She blushes a firetruck red, hand instantly flying up to cover the obvious ones on her neck, because _both_ Jeonghan and Seungcheol decided to give that general area a bit more attention than normal.

“Jesus it looks like you were attacked.” Chan comes up from behind Seokmin, not even bothering to spare Jisoo a second glance before going down the stairs to go to the kitchen.

Jisoo first heard of Chan through Jeonghan, she had bursted into her room with a twister in her hand and a mars bar in the other. Quickly tossing Jisoo the mars bar, she shouted, “There is a baby in our house. A child.”

Obviously Jisoo thought there was an actual child in their boarding house, because what else was she suppose to think. So she asked Jeonghan to bring her to where the child was.

What she was expecting was a five-year-old sitting on the couches downstairs, possibly crying, maybe with Seungcheol next to them trying to comfort them or maybe Junhui trying to make them laugh.

What she _wasn’t_ expecting was to be dragged all the way to the top floor where all the younger years’ rooms were, and for Jeonghan to enter some random room without knocking. Jisoo barely had time to tell her off for being rude, before she came face to face with Chwe Hansol of all people.

“Hansol isn’t a baby, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan simply rolled her eyes and directed Jisoo’s attention to the other girl in the room. Who was looking more confused and scared by the second.

“Uh,hi? I’m the baby?” The girl trailed off, her sentence said with so much hesitation Jisoo felt bad for her. It’s then she realized she doesn’t recognize the girl, she might be a sixth form, but she tries to at least know all the faces of younger years. At least the ones in her house.

“Are you the girl who was suppose to come in this weekend?” Jisoo faintly remembered their housemistress mentioning a new girl coming into Year 10, but she wasn’t paying much attention so she could be wrong.  


“Uh huh, I’m Chan.” Chan nodded, still looking a little confused, “Quick question, why am I the baby?”

Jisoo shot a quick look at Jeonghan, who stuck her tongue out in retaliation. She walked over to where Chan is sat, leaned on the desk, and tried to act cool. (She’s only just met Chan, she still needed to give the ‘I am most definitely the cool older year you think I am’ vibe.)

“Currently only because you look cute, but if you’re younger than both Hansol and Seungkwan, then that too.”

Chan made a noise akin to a dying goat, covered her face with both of her hands. Jisoo tried very hard not to laugh, she swears, maybe a few giggles slipped out. Which made Chan whine even more.

“Don’t worry about it too much, you’ll get pampered a lot, it’s actually kinda nice.” She gave Chan a few pats on the back and said bye to Hansol, then left the room.

Jisoo’s first impression of Chan was a sweet, innocent girl, the human embodiment of a cinnamon roll. She probably shouldn’t have thought that about her, small and cute people are never like they seem, she would know, she’s friend with Jihoon.

She might no longer be surprised at the sarcastic comments Chan would give, but that wouldn’t stop her, or anyone for that matter, from babying the youngest in their friend group.

 

Minghao sighs for what felt like the umpteenth time, she’s been trying to locate Seungcheol for at least an hour now, and she can’t find the elder _anywhere_. It’s starting to frustrate her.

After wondering around the school for fifteen more minutes, she gives up and decides to go back to house, she might just take a nap.

Upon entering Glareid, Minghao sees Junhui, the two have become close friends and Minghao likes to consider the other Chinese girl to be her best friend, only second to Mingyu.

Junhui immediately brightens up upon seeing Minghao, but a small frown appears on her face when she detects the frustration in the youngers’ expression.

“Something’s wrong.” Junhuis’ eyebrows are furrowed, inspecting Minghao’s expression.

“Where. Is Choi Seungcheol. Where is the girl.”

Any previous confusion soon clears away from Junhuis’ face, she grabs Minghao’s hand and drags her over to where she was sat before.

“I am also waiting for Choi ‘I’m always free’ Seungcheol.”

“Damn, she’s so popular.”

Finally, Seungcheol does appear, slightly breathless and sweaty, she wipes away some sweat from her forehead with the back of her right hand. She does a double-take at the sight of Minghao, who just waves at her.

“This isn’t what I was expecting.”

Junhui and Minghao stand up simultaneously, each grabbing one of Seungcheols’ hands, before dragging her off to the sixth form kitchen.

 

“So you _both_ like someone and want to make that person something to enjoy.” Seungcheol’s sitting on the table, swinging her legs back and forth.

They both look at each other and nod, that’s essentially it.

“And you need me, why?”

Minghao rolls her eyes, “You are the only person we know that has two girlfriends, you gotta know something.”

“You assumed because I am in a polyamorous relationship with two other people, that I am suddenly the master of wooing girls.”

“Are you not?” Junhui asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Hell yeah I am. Let’s get to work.” Seungcheol hops off the bench, dusting her hands off on her shorts.

Seokmin hears a few screams, a few bloody murders coming from the kitchen and maybe even the fire alarm going off, she’s not even that concerned, she just shrugs and keeps walking, she has a music lesson after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes poly! 95line, please tell me if i havent given an accurate poly relationships work, id love to get feedback on it!!


	6. we're not a commercial for anyone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wonhui,,,,the softest wow i love them

Junhui rushes to the spot that she and Wonwoo had agreed on, a small patch of grass underneath a tree in a secluded corner in school. Careful not to jiggle the picnic basket she’s carrying, wincing whenever she hears the clinking of glass bottles.

She gets there ten minutes earlier than the time they decided, wanting to set everything up perfectly. It’s a surprise after all, she had only told Wonwoo that she wanted to hang out. Not to have a full scale picnic.

Setting down the picnic basket, she takes out the blanket she stole from her roommate and sets it down on the grass, Junhui remembers that she never actually told her roommate what she was using it for and she can already feel the blades of grass sticking to the blanket. She hopes that her roommate doesn’t mind.

Taking out the bottles of lemonade and packets of chips, she lays them on the blanket, trying to arrange them nicely.

Finally, she takes out a cake platter, the actual pastry covered by a shiny metal lid, she waves at her own reflection. Junhui sets everything around the platter, making sure that it’s obvious that it’s the centerpiece.

She’s proud of it, the set up looking like it came straight out of Pinterest, like it was made in a studio, fake and plastic. Except hers is real and goddamn beautiful without looking phony.

Just in time too, she looks up at the call of her name, seeing Wonwoo run towards her with a grin, having not seen the picnic set up for her.

“Hey! Sorry, am I late? You haven’t be-“ Wonwoos’ sentence gets cut off when she sees the picnic.

“Holy shit, did you make this for me?” Her eyes are wide, admiring everything. Junhui smiles shyly, cheeks flushing a warm pink.

All she can do is nod, inviting Wonwoo to sit down.

“This is amazing, you are amazing, a princess, I am in the presence of a goddess.” Wonwoo says in between bites of barbeque chips and ham sandwiches.

Junhui almost chokes on her sandwich, her face a bright firetruck red now, “Y-you can’t just say that!”

Wonwoo wiggles her eyebrows, an impossibly cheesy grin on her face, “I just did,” leaning closer into Junhu’s space.

Junhui blushes even _more_ , if that’s possible. This wasn’t how she imagined things to go, she envisioned Wonwoo being incredibly charmed by Junhuis’ surprise, she envisioned Junhui doing all the flirting, wooing Wonwoo with words of flattery.

She didn’t expect to be flirted to.

“This is impossible, I’m suppose to be the suave one, the one making you blush as red as an apple.” She whines, burying her head into her hands.

A cackle escapes Wonwoos’ lips, making Junhui even more flustered, weakly glaring at Wonwoo, “Don’t laugh at me!”

Wonwoo only laughs more, now full blown howling, she throws her head back and Junhui swears she sees tears.

“Stop,” she whines, pouting at the taller girl.

Eventually Wonwoo does stop laughing, still smiling, she pokes Junhui’s cheek, “Aw, I’m sorry, don’t be mad.”

Junhui sticks her tongue out at Wonwoo, “You’re so mean, I guess I’ll just eat this tart all by myself.” Grabbing the platter, she watches as Wonwoo perk up immediately, her eyes following Junhuis’ movement.

“You did not make me my favourite dessert.”

“Yes I did.”

Wonwoos’ eyes shine so brightly, they almost look like diamonds, “I actually love you so much, what the fuck.”

On a warm autumn day, Wen Junhui kisses the girl she thinks she’s wholeheartedly in love with, the girl that she hopes will stay in her life. She kisses the girl with so much fervor, running her finger through black locks, cradling the girls’ cheek with her other hand.

Jeon Wonwoo kisses Wen Junhui in the shade of some tree, they’re sitting on an old blanket that’s starting to feel uncomfortable, it’s hot but there’s a nice breeze. To some people, it might not be the most romantic setting, but to her, it’s perfect. After all, this girl surprised her by setting up a picnic, baking her a lemon tart, which is her favourite dessert. And all the thought that Junhui put into this makes her like her even more than before.

When they kiss again in front of Wonwoos’ boarding house, Junhui can still taste the lemon on Wonwoo’s tongue.

 

Seungcheol’s crushing up some graham crackers in a food processor, when she speaks up, ceasing her movement, she stares at Junhui.

“Y’know, I always thought you were straight.”

Without missing a beat, Junhui replies, “Don’t insult me.”

In the corner of the kitchen, Minghao bursts out laughing, almost dropping the wooden spoon she’s holding, “Holy shit, that was amazing. The funniest shit I think you’ve ever said.”

The three of them have started baking weekly together, after deciding that the first time they did it was exceptionally fun, even if they did almost burn the kitchen down. They always try new recipes, even if they don’t all turn out accordingly.

“You wound me.”

“I try, Seungcheol.”

The oldest of the trio only rolls her eyes playfully, before going back to the task at hand, dumping the cracker crumbs into a bowl.

Suddenly, Soonyoung barges in, not even bothering to knock. She has a determined look on her face, stomping up to Junhui. She points an accusing finger at the taller girl, before shouting,

“You have a fucking girlfriend?”

Junhui looks bewildered, staring at her finger with crossed eyes. Soonyoung’s fuming, and Junhui does the first thing her mind thinks of.

She runs.

Quickly, she drops the box of strawberries she was holding and _bolts_. Junhui thinks she’s fooled Soonyoung, dashing around the corner and up the stairs, but she hears Soonyoung yell, “Babe!” and she knows she’s screwed.

Because Jihoon materializes from the top of the staircase, and Junhui barely has enough time to stop before Jihoon grabs her arm, stopping her movement. For such a short person, Jihoon sure does have a lot of arm strength.

“Come on, you have things to tell us.” Jihoon says grumpily, dragging Junhui by the collar.

She’s forced down on a chair and she’s pretty sure they contemplated tying her hands together to make sure Junhui doesn’t escape, thankfully they don’t.

“Spill.” They’re both standing in front of her, arms crossed and both looking like her parents trying to get her to admit what she did wrong. Except she hasn’t done anything wrong.

Junhui knows that they aren’t going to _stop_ pestering her if she doesn’t tell them now, besides the embarrassment of them being gross and acting like her parents, cooing at her and saying how much she’s grown. Even though she’s older than both of them.

She doesn’t have much to lose.

“Ok, maybe I have a girlfriend?”

Soonyoung narrows her eyes at her, “Why are you saying it like it’s a question.”

“Because we haven’t labelled anything yet.” Junhui gulps, she forgets Soonyoung can be kinda scary from time to time.

Jihoon flops onto her bed, “Cool,”

“Wait, do you guys not want to hear about all the details?” Junhui did not get ambushed for this, if she’s going to get basically kidnapped she’d like to at least be able to talk about Wonwoo.

“I saw you two having a picnic.” Jihoon says without looking up from her phone.

Soonyoung nods, looking less frightening, “We just needed comfirmation.”

Junhui sits there, frozen, disbelief washing over her, “You two did all this _just_ to find out if we were actually dating?”

The pair nods, “I can’t believe this shit.”

“You know what else you won’t believe? I’m finally comfortable enough to use they/them pronouns.” Jihoon pipes up, staring at the wall beside their bed, anxiously waiting for a response.

“What!” Both Soonyoung and Junhui shriek simultaneously, staring at their friend with wide eyes.

Jihoon shyly nods, not looking either of them in the eye.

Soonyoung reacts first, bounding over to her partner and pulling them into a hug, “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Junhui nods, before joining in on the hug.

**(New message from hooooooon)**

**Dream Meme Team**  
**September 27 2017, 12:56 pm**

**hooooooon:** u would not believe ur eyes  
**hooooooon:** if my pronouns are now they/them

**soon to be young:** uH breathe if u think lee jihoon is amazing and is super proud of them

**Ms Smiley:** breathes

**Alpha Mom:** breathes

**tired and old:** heavily breathes

**hao are you:** the content i signed up for honestly  
**hao are you:** when will ur faves ever

**hooooooon:** i,,,,have the best friends,,,o h wow

**sweet,young and innocent:** i

**soon to be young:** love

**boo boo the fool:** lee  


**soon to be young:** jihoon

**handsol:** very

**junhwi hwi:** much

Jihoon smiles down at their phone, a warm feeling blossoming in their chest, because they really do have the best friends, and the best girlfriend.

“Jihoon, you coming?” Seokmin yells, poking her head into their room. They’re all having lunch together, including Junhui’s not girlfriend girlfriend and everyone’s buzzing with excitement.

Smiling at Seokmin, Jihoon puts on a coat and some shoes, before demanding Seokmin piggyback them.

“I’m not Mingyu though!” Seokmin whines, Jihoon sticks their tongue out at her, “I never said only Mingyu could piggyback me.”

Seokmin only whines more, still bending down to allow Jihoon to jump on.

“I’m going to have a bad back because of you.”

“Stop complaining you aren’t that old yet, wait till you get to Year 12.”

Jihoon really does love their friends, a whole lot and they honestly can’t live without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> consistent updating schedule, being content with my writing?? whats that
> 
> if it wasnt clear  
> hooooooon: jihoon  
> soon to be young: soonyoung  
> Ms Smiley: seokmin  
> Alpha Mom: jeonghan  
> hao are you: minghao  
> tired and old: seungcheol  
> sweet,young and innocent: chan  
> boo boo the fool: seungkwan  
> handsol: hansol  
> junhwi hwi: junhui


	7. forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talks of questioning and wonwoo realizes

Seokmin knocks on Chans’ door, the younger had promised her that they could hang out together after class today, agreeing to meet at around four. Except, Chan isn’t there, in fact, the room is completely empty, neither Seungkwan or Hansol there.

Sighing, Seokmin closes the door and looks around, wondering where her youngest friend could be, she spots Mingyu leaving her room, headphones in and staring at her phone. She doesn’t seem to notice Seokmin staring at her, it’s evident when she jumps when Seokmin taps on her shoulder. Mingyu takes out one of her earbuds, signally for Seokmin to talk, “Have you seen Chan?” Mingyu shakes her head before heading downstairs.

“Great.” She grumbles to herself, checking her phone to see if she had missed any messages from Chan, maybe a hint to where the younger girl might be. She stares at her lock screen with much distain, putting it back in her pocket and continuing her search.

Thankfully she doesn’t spend two hours looking for Chan like Minghao did trying to look for Seungcheol the other day, instead she bumps into Jisoo who tells her that she saw Chan going to the back garden.

So that’s where she heads next and she’s glad she did, because Chan is there, sitting on the grass and staring into the sky. Chan must’ve heard her because she turns around when Seokmin starts walking towards her.

“Sorry I disappeared even though we were suppose to hang out.” Is the first thing Chan says when she gets close enough, her voice is soft and she looks tired, like every bit of energy is sucked out of her.

Seokmin sits down next to her and looks up too, enjoying the auburn sky, the gradient of yellow and orange, the hits of blue and slight purple, white puffy clouds decorating it. It’s nice, well it’s as nice as an evening sky can get. Luckily, Seokmin likes evening skies, her favourite type actually, so she’s basks in it, the slight warmth the setting sun gives is comforting and it makes her think of home.

“Don’t worry about it, you wanna tell me what’s up?” She feels Chans’ gaze on her, confused and shocked. Seokmin has always been good at reading people, could always read situations better than most people, usually the first to notice a sudden mood shift or obvious tension. She could tell something was off with Chan the moment she saw her, she’s also always been good at listening to people and giving advice when necessary.

Chan shifts around to get a better position, before eventually laying down, “You know how Jihoon started using they and them pronouns right?” Seokmin nods. Chan takes a deep breath, almost like a sigh, “And how everyone in our friend group is super gay right?” Seokmin nods again, because it’s true, all her friends are super gay, including her, in fact Seokmin doesn’t think she has a single straight friend.

“Yeah, well I’m confused about my own gender and sexuality and it’s really frustrating.” It all comes out in a rush, thankfully Seokmin does catch most of it and immediately makes a noise of understanding.

Chan refuses to look at her, which is fair, because what are you going to do after revealing your struggles about your own gender and sexual identity when you’re someone like Chan, never having a solid friendship or relationship in your life and suddenly having twelve people take you in and care for you like family. Seokmin’s just glad that Chan told her this, because not having anyone to guide you through finding out your sexuality is scary enough as it is, but to add on struggling with your gender has to be at least ten times worse.

“Well, I’m cis, but I am pan and I’ve gone through the whole ‘I’m not sure what the hell I am and what the fuck is up with me’ thing, so I could probably give you some advice, or anything really.” Chan smiles at her, small and grateful and suddenly Seokmin is reminded that Chan is young, extremely young, yet she acts so mature for her age, at the ripe age of fifteen Chan’s gone through a lot.

“Thanks Seokmin.” They talk and talk, until the sky turns black and stars appear, the moon shining above them ever so brightly. Seokmin doesn’t know how much of it Chan has figured out, but she at least hopes that Chan doesn’t feel invalid, as if questioning is horrible and you must have a label associated with you, because it isn’t and you don’t. And Seokmin voices this to her, Chan replies by smiling so big and so brightly it could probably rival the stars above them, hugging her. They only leave and go back inside when Jeonghan tells them snacks are being shared in the common room.

 

“Wait, what do you mean you were on a date?” Seungcheol demands, chair screeching behind her when she stands up, hands firmly planted on the table.

Wonwoo rolls her eyes, Seungcheol can be such a drama queen. Nayoung’s across from them, staring at the pair with poorly hidden amusement.

“I meant what I said.”

Seungcheol looks like she’s about to faint, or explode, either one, “Why didn’t you tell me, I could’ve helped.”

Wonwoo resists rolling her eyes again, because she can take care of herself, and she knows how to go on dates and says just that. She isn’t a baby.

“Do you not remember that one time-“ Wonwoo cuts her off with a yelp, hand quickly slapping over Seungcheols’ mouth to silence her. Wonwoo had once gone on a date with a horrible plaid outfit and without the knowledge that it was even a date, had any advances towards her gone completely over her head. Wonwoo hadn’t even realized at the time the guy had romantic feelings for her. And after that horrendous experience, Wonwoo had refused any dates from guys after that.

Well, it wasn’t like she was interested in them anyway. Or men.

The memory was repressed far into Wonwoo’s mind, not many people know about it, only a few of her closest friends.

And, oh god, Nayoung’s staring at her, clearly wanting to know the full story and when Nayoung wants to know something, she’ll do anything.

Not wanting a repeat of the Jieqiong incident, Wonwoo tells her, every single little detail, down to the socks she wore that day. By the end of it she has both Seungcheol and Nayoung crying with laughter.

“It’s not that funny.” Wonwoo whines, which is a lie, because it really is. She hasn’t met a single person that she’s told this to, which isn’t many people, that didn’t laugh at her misfortune. And luckily in this school, only Seungcheol knows about it, that is until now.

“It is that funny.” Nayoung manages, still laughing, gasping for air and clutching the table for support. Which only makes Wonwoo whine and grumble even more, pouting and crossing her arms over her chest.

Seungcheol shouldn’t be laughing at it that much, Wonwoo’s told her this story at least five times and frankly it gets boring after the third time, apparently it isn’t to her though.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry, it’s just so funny and it gets better each time.” The grin on Seungcheols’ face is still teasing, but she knows that Wonwoo doesn’t find the story particularly hilarious. “So, tell us about your date.”

Wonwoos’ face instantly blushes a deep red, “Uh, well, um, it wasn’t exactly specified, but we kissed like twice and I hope it was a date.” She stammers, just the thought of Junhui makes her even more red if that was possible.

“Hold on. You kissed twice and you have no idea if it was a date.” Nayoung raises an eyebrow at her.

Wonwoo can only stiffly nod, it sounds a little silly now that she’s said it out loud, it did sound better in her head. Or maybe it was because she managed to convince herself it did. Because now that she clearly thinks about it, unless Junhui’s an asshole, which she highly doubts, Wonwoo doesn’t think she’d kiss her if she didn’t like her.

And it hits Wonwoo like a truck, Junhui probably likes her back and don’t get her wrong Wonwoo is so fucking happy, but what if they don’t work out, what if Junhui starts to hate her, what if, what if, _what if_. Junhui’s so wonderful and honestly, she came barreling into Wonwoos’ life, easing right in, like she was meant to be there. She’s already cemented herself as one of Wonwoos’ most important people, but what if Wonwoo isn’t as important to Junhui as Junhui is to her. So many thoughts come rushing into her head and it’s _horrible_ , Wonwoo feels like she’s drowning, there’s a lump in her throat, her breathing is erratic and tears are threatening to fall. She can’t do this, she needs to leave, _needs_ to get away.

“Uh-um, I-I’m really sorry, b-but, uh, I have to go.” She stands up suddenly, Nayoung looks confused, and she can’t stand it, she’s _this_ close to having a panic attack and she has to _go_. She turns around and Seungcheol’s standing up, packing their things up and telling Nayoung something urgent came up. How could she forget about Seungcheol, they’ve known each other since they were both in diapers, she could read Wonwoo like an open book, and she must’ve already realized that Wonwoo wasn’t in a good mental state to continue the conversation.

She guides Wonwoo out of the café, and Wonwoo sits down against the brick wall of it, closing her eyes and taking deep breathes, focusing on the sound of birds chirping, the gentle murmur of people and miscellaneous city noises. Her breathing evens out, she feels calmer now, finally she opens her eyes, she sees Seungcheol next to her.

“Ok now?” Seungcheol says quietly, and Wonwoo nods.

“That’s good.” They stay there for a few more minutes, before leaving. When Wonwoo stands up, she trips, thankfully Seungcheol manages to catch her by her elbow. “Careful.” They walk in silence back to the school.

“Wen Junhui. Her name’s Wen Junhui and I’m pretty fucking sure I’m in love with her.”

Wonwoo doesn’t catch the flabbergasted look Seungcheol has on her face, and she misses the moment in when Seungcheol realizes something really important regarding her best friend and the information she just told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated in so long im so sorry, if the way i wrote how wonwoo feels is incorrect in anyway please tell me so i can have a more realistic and correct representation(?) of anxiety, or if there are anyways i could improve please do tell me!

**Author's Note:**

> english is my first language but it also isnt so if words and expressions dont make sense you know why, i also have no honest plan for this its just gonna be a party
> 
> pls like my writing


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